Liar! Inauthenticity Leads to Loneliness

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iosphere

© iosphere via freedigitalphotos.net

Carrie De Simas

Editor in Chief @ GoneWithTheWord

A friend once told me that she was happy with her body because it was curvy. At the time, I admired her. She was a bit heavy, but had beautiful curves. Not trendy, perhaps, but very sexy.

Unfortunately, a few months later she asked me to teach her how to knit because she wanted to keep her hands busy in the evenings. She laughed and said: “Because if my hands are busy, I can’t be snacking!” and she smacked her curvy bum. It turned out that her happy with her body thing was a ruse that she told other people, as she tried to lose weight. As her lies unraveled, her friends disappeared.

Another example is of a single mother who is determined to portray her ex-husband as a total douche (her word, not mine). He left her and her drama when their child was two years old. She promised him she would make sure their son hated him. It took her seven years to threaten and bribe their son into turning on him—but he did. Kind of. He maintains a connection with his father, presumably without her knowledge.

But despite her need to appear the successful socialite, she would arrive at family court with layered makeup and designer clothes and expensive accessories, but without the ultimate sign of success: an ally. She was always alone. No friend, no boyfriend, no family member came with her.

Why?

Because she couldn’t risk anyone seeing through her fabrications. Her ex isn’t the villain she desperately portrays him to be, and she isn’t the sweet or suffering victim. For a while, her common-law partner believed her. But his mistress (a whole other story) knows someone connected to her ex-husband and told him the truth. He apparently just laughed. “She’s a poor-man’s Kardashian,” he said. Despite the mask of makeup, he had already seen through her.

A former coworker was a classic chameleon type. His opinions on everything from politics and religion, favorite foods and movies, and so on all changed to match those of the person he was with. It took a while for his inconsistent personality to catch up with him because he kept his groups of friends segregated. Eventually though, people talked and he lost his closest friends.

That’s the thing about inauthenticity, sooner or late it catches up to you.

I am no longer friends with my curvy friend, but I value our former friendship because it taught me a life lesson: once you see through one lie, watch for others. People who tell lies tend to tell them in succession to weave together an image of someone they are not. Doesn’t mean the person is evil—some of these people are legitimately hoping to become the person they are pretending to be. But lies reveal insecurity and insecure people are socially dangerous.

Be who you are, even as you evolve.

 

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